Limbo Land

Greetings all! 

Lately, I've been having these weird feelings. I would sometimes have them when I was back living at Akron. It's this feeling where you don't know where you belong. It's like a never ending feeling of limbo. I'm at school, but that's only from August to December then January to May. For those other countless months where do I belong? I have no idea. 

Well, as most of you know I am not at Akron. I am in London and loving every single minute of it. Maybe it's all the new places, friends and experiences, but since I've been here I've never felt more alone or lost. I can be completely surrounded by people and feel like there isn't another person in the room. It's just plain weird. 

My professor said that it may be culture shock and she added at the end of our conversation that reverse culture shock is going to be worse when I return to the states. I was a bit baffled because England really isn't that different from the US. I can see culture shock if I went to Argentina or Japan or something, but England? It doesn't make sense. 

When I'm here I don't feel like I belong here, but then when I'm home I don't feel like I belong there either. I don't know how to make myself feel like I belong. I'm that person who has everything planned out and these past few years my life hasn't followed my plan and it really pisses me off. I can't not have a plan. 

Doubt. I'm a doubter. I doubt my abilities, my skills, my strengths, and I don't allow myself to see past my weaknesses. I'm afraid that my constant need for approval and my discontentment with my life will only drag me down. I second guess everything. My faith, my family, my friends, my major, my "life path." Do I really want all these things? Most of the time I think so, but it's become harder to really know. 

It's all so confusing. In conclusion, I am in one of the greatest cities in the world and something inside me is stuck in "Limbo Land." Frankly, it's annoying and I want to move on and make a plan for my life. The college thing is challenging, but I think that there may be some good developments happening that could change my future in a lot of ways, which makes me optimistic about everything else that I don't have figured out yet. It'll all fall into place sooner or later, I just have to have faith that it will. 

Cheers!